I sit in my room at 11 p .m. feeling sorry for myself, feeling incomplete, feeling like there’s something missing, but most of all, feeling lonely. I’m newly single and while I try to search for hobbies to fill the void, it’s rather difficult.
One night, my bestie made me a PlentyofFish.com account, which I didn’t feel like I needed. I felt pathetic as she filled it out for me asking me what to put in the blank box. I just rambled off a few hobbies and left it. She added the best photos of me and bing, we were set.
Within two minutes, I got about five messages. She excitedly said, “Oh, you’ve got some messages.” Nervously, I looked at the various guys and their notes. Most of the guys were not my type or plain ugly. You see, just like in life, all you have is the other person’s appearance. But, in reality, you can see their facial expressions and watch as they speak and tell stories. With online dating, you’re staring at a computer screen instead of looking in the young man’s eyes.
At first, I felt absolutely desperate reading these messages and looking for something so hard that it made me feel sick inside. Literally, the first few days, as I scrolled through the countless messages, I felt disgusting. I felt nervous, jittery and unaccomplished. It seemed as if all I’d want to do was check to see the latest guys who wrote notes to me. I was more concerned with that than my writing.
When I looked in the mirror, I truly asked myself, “What am I looking for?” “Why am I on this online dating site?”
You see, I’ve been against these sites for a long while and I finally gave in when my bestie began talking about it. She gushed about how many guys she was meeting. She is newly single, just like me, and wanted to put herself out there. In a way, I wanted to do the same, but I was terrified. I didn’t know what I wanted and I was extremely embarrassed about the whole ordeal. Nobody knew except her.
I’d get about 20 messages on a daily basis and that’s not an exaggeration. Some were creepy like, “Hey Princess” “Hey baby girl, can I snag your ass?” or “You’re a pure gem, a pure diamond, can I get your numba?” Or, my personal favorite, “Did you just fart? Cause your beauty blows me away.”
These guys tried to say whatever they wanted to get their way. It’s hard to find a guy on this site that wasn’t asking for sex. They are mostly horny bastards that are using the site to get in a girl’s pants. Well, that stuff wasn’t going to work on me because more than likely, I could point out the assholes in one minute.
In the beginning, I was mostly logging on to check my messages and log off. But, by day four, I sent a couple messages to guys who interested me. Most times, they wrote me back.
I’ve made a few connections with some guys on the site. I mean, we’re friends on Facebook, but it never really went anywhere, until I began talking to this one guy, Tommy. He sparked my interest because 1) He had nice, big muscles, 2) He had a passion for health & fitness, just like myself, 3) He didn’t live too far away and 4) He was great at conversations. He seemed to be interested in more than just doing the deed. So, I decided to meet up with him. I couldn’t hide my nervousness as I got ready for our first date. I thought several different things like 1) what if it’s not really him? or 2) what if he tries to rape me? Trust me, I’ve watched plenty of television and our society has been getting worse with harming others, so I took extra precaution.
But, to my surprise, our first meet-and-greet went quite well. We got along and never mentioned Plenty of Fish. We hung out once more, but I began to ask myself if I was ready for all of this. Did I really want a boyfriend? We walked around town talking and sharing stories, but it didn’t feel right. I just wasn’t that comfortable. I couldn’t be. I’m just not ready for another guy in my life and I wasn’t sure if he was looking for a romantic relationship or a casual one. However, at the same time, I was ready for the kiss. In fact, I wanted the kiss, which made it even more confusing. So, by the second date, we pecked.
At the same time, all of the guys are the damn same on these websites. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of looking for a guy to spend my nights with, having to force the conversation, needing to text him and feeling like I’m responsible for our interaction. I’m done with that. These sites are for people who yearn and desire a relationship.
I just felt so desperate going out of my way to message guys while they sat back and called me “chicks ” and “girl.” It’s a never ending cycle. You must put time and effort into these sites and not feel like shit searching for your “dream” gal or guy to find. I’m done trying to locate someone to be with for the rest of my life . I’d prefer it to happen naturally, so therefore, I’m thinking about deleting my page. The only reason I check it is to see the messages guys send. Are there any interesting ones? Is this guy just messaging for a booty call?
If you’re serious about wanting a relationship, I encourage you to check these sites out, but just be cautious and extra careful of the men out there.