I promised myself that I would never try online dating. I told myself how pathetic it was and how shitty I felt about meeting someone online. I didn’t want anything to do with meeting a guy online. I felt desperate and stupid in the eyes of others as well as myself. I was sure I’d never put myself through that shit.
I’ve heard about online relationships and knew I shouldn’t touch that demon. It was for people who didn’t mind talking online, people who didn’t get out a lot due to work or people who were too afraid to speak to the opposite sex. None of the above was me.
Then, my best friend tried it and she convinced me that it wasn’t so bad and that I shouldn’t be afraid of it. I fought with the idea for a while before giving in.
I signed up for Plentyoffish.com for fun. I wasn’t being serious about it. I just did it to meet guys. I didn’t tell anyone except for my best friend. I was embarrassed and mortified that I resorted to this.
But then I met a guy. He seemed pretty cool and I hung out with him twice before I deciding to stop seeing him. He was all about his appearance and just wanted sex. He wasn’t special enough and didn’t deserve that from me. I never spoke to him after that. I had a weird, strange feeling about him afterward.
I decided I was done with guys. I deleted my account and enjoyed my single life with my best friend. She was in a relationship around the time I gave up on guys. Then, her and her boyfriend broke up and she was back on the market.
She was part of the reason I signed up for another site– Okcupid.com. I did that without telling anyone. My best friend didn’t even know I made an account. I just made it one night. I seriously did not want to, but I figured why not? I quickly typed in my info while no one was around and felt like shit afterward. I would only occasionally check it. I spoke with one guy I began to like on the Website, but he wasn’t really educated and never typed sentences correctly. Ever. As a former English major, that mattered to me and it bothered me. He was in the Navy and was heading to Cuba for a few days. I gave him my number to text me, but I never heard from him.
In October a new guy messaged me about health and fitness, which is my true passion. We exchanged a few messages back and forth. I thought he was cute. I didn’t tell anyone that we were talking. Finally, after the third day of talking, I gave him my number.
For some reason, I had a strong connection with this guy and I couldn’t explain it. I was drawn to him. We spoke about deep topics and exchanged stories we wouldn’t normally share. It was weird to me to be so connected with someone else. He began saying things like, “I feel as if I’m talking to the female version of myself” and “You’ve had me living in a dream.” I really loved our conversations. We had long, elaborate conversations and they were heavy topics.
The following Wednesday we met at my gym. The plan was to work-out and then grab some dinner. I was sweating bullets that morning for some odd reason. I felt as if I was going on an interview. I questioned if I could do it. But, if I say I’m going to do something, I don’t bail. I was going even if I had to literally push myself.
After 15 minutes of hiding in my car, I went out into the gym and met this man. He was tall, dark and handsome. He greeted me with a hug and said, “Wow, you are really cute.” To my surprise, it wasn’t awkward. We went on the treadmill and began walking. We exchanged stories, just like in text messages, and there were only a few brief pauses. He showed me some exercises and I showed him others. We were there for two hours before we went to TGIFridays and ordered salads. Both of us didn’t want to go home, but it was after 6:00 p.m. We said our goodbyes and left.
For our second date, we went miniature golfing. He picked me up, but I didn’t want him to meet my family (whom I live with). My mom knew the whole story, but my dad didn’t. I only told my best friend and my two brothers.
Then, for some odd reason, I got weird. I felt like this guy, who seemed so confident on our first date, wasn’t as sure of himself as I thought. It turned me off. I tried to push it out of my mind and focus on our date, but I was bothered by that.
At the golf course, he didn’t appear as attractive as he was before. I believe it went with the confidence aspect. I was scared too. I suggested we go to this by park right by my house. As we began walking around, I became weird and unsociable. I knew it and I hoped he didn’t notice. I was a rude bitch and I didn’t care. I sort of wanted to leave, making an excuse that I had to go home for dinner. We hugged for a brief moment when he dropped me off and that was that.
I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. I immediately placed him in “the friend zone” because I was terrified. I didn’t ask myself “Why?” I just didn’t want to deal with my emotions. I told my family I didn’t want to be with him and that I wasn’t that into him. He was the first guy I had strong feelings for since my ex.
I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and immediately jumped to, “I don’t want, need or desire a boyfriend right now.” Deep down, I was scared to get close to someone again. I questioned if I was truly ready to have another boyfriend. I remember asking him, “Why would you want to be with someone who is so indecisive?”
I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I knew I did. Instead of taking the time to let him know all of this, I shut down. It was an immature way of handling it, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t willing to deal with my emotions, so I brushed them off like a frightened coward.
But then my best friend invited me to go on a double date with her and her boy, and I invited the guy. The night of the date when he picked me up, I told him he could meet my parents. He seemed really cute and nice. We flirted on the way over to my best friends.
The rest of the night went superb. Eventually, I held his hand and we got closer. I initiated physical contact with him. Later that night, he asked me, “So, what’s going on here?” I was confused and I knew I was confusing the hell out of him because I just stated days before I only wanted to be friends. I knew something was happening and said, “If we’re going to do this, I want to take it really slow. I mean, like really, really slow.” He said it was fine and after that, we went on a few dates and had a nice time.
After that, things went very smoothly. I met his family. We got closer. We got intimate and are crazy about each other. In November, this sexy, cute, nice, smart, intelligent, generous and sweet guy asked me to be his girlfriend at Longwood Gardens with note reading, “Will you be my girlfriend?” With a huge smile on my face, I replied, “Yes!”
So, here’s the thing, sometimes, online websites do in fact work. You might feel embarrassed and literally dumb for resorting to them, but I’m a prime example of how it worked. I don’t know what I would do without this guy by my side. I’m the luckiest gal in the world to have found such an incredible man. He’s very supportive and I believe he would do anything for me. It’s a shame more guys aren’t like him. He’s like the perfect guy for me and I’m still amused at how similar we are. Seriously, I could go on and on about this man for days. And, just thinking about him gets me excited.
I just want to say, thank you Brett for being the best guy in the world!