I feel suffocated. Suffocated in my own house and my own room because my house is simply too small. I mean, it’s not like I’m poor. I’ve always been middle class. But, lately I’ve been noticing little things about personal space.
For starters, since my room is right in the middle of my younger brother and my older brother, I could never ever do anything with a guy. I mean, damn, all of our walls connect. Could you imagine having sex while your brother listens through the walls? How embarrassing and crazy would that be?!
I’ve gotten accustomed to living at home, but at 24 years old, living at home has really been bothering me lately. It’s mostly because my bestie lives in her own apartment. I’m so freaking jealous of her independence and her situation. It’s not fair that I can’t afford my own place. If I did happen to move out right now, I’d literally starve to death. I wouldn’t have enough funds to support myself. I’d be absolutely, positively screwed and I know it.
My plan was to move out by the end of next year. But I must have all of my ducks lined up–obtain a good job, have enough money to pay for my car, student loans, groceries, extras and rent. I have to be completely ready to venture out on my own. Sure, I’ll miss living at home. It’s so simple, but at the same time, complicated.
My mother or father are always coming in and bothering me when I’m not in the mood to talk. Or, my brothers will come in my room with a story when I’m not in a talking mood. Sometimes I want to be alone and not feel so cramped. I love my family, but I’m ready to migrate. Who isn’t? There are a ton of people in my exact situation. It doesn’t help when you’re unsure of your career.
I thought I had it all planned out, get a job in my dream industry: magazine publishing. But lately I’m questioning this magazine quest. I love writing, that’s not it, it’s just the pressure and stress from this industry. I mean, damn, I lost my time of the month because of it. TMI, but I had to get that out of the way! I am completely stressed. This doesn’t help with wanting to move out because that means it’s just prolonging it even longer. I’d love to have a good job by 25, but is that possible with all the career/job struggles going on around me?
I’m tired of complaining about money, thinking about it, obsessing over it, stressing over it. It’s enough. I’m so freaking done! But, I’m not really done with it because it’s always going to be there. I kept telling myself and others around me, “I’m going to be famous one day with a ton of money.” I’ve been questioning that lately because of this career contemplation.
In an ideal world, I’d have a career, my own place and be able to afford anything I want. I cannot wait until the day I don’t have to look at the tag of a dress and just buy it because I can purchase anything. I want to be independent, happy and excited to go home and have my own space. I don’t want to worry about sharing the bathroom, putting anything away, getting yelled at for not doing chores, (what am I in fifth grade?) not emptying my trash can or heading to bed whenever I want. The day where I have no rules. I am an adult and my mother still treats me like a child. “Text me when you get there.” “Are you going to bed?” “What are you doing today?” “Are you okay?”
Sure, I’ll miss those sorts of questions one day, but for the most part, it really freaking annoys me! How many times do I need to remind you that I’m an adult and want to be treated like one? I love my mother, but she’s too much sometimes. I’ve spoke to her about this time and again, but it doesn’t fully register with her.
After I long day working in New York City, sometimes I just want to come home and be by myself. I’d prefer no one speak to me after such a long, stressful day at the office. I’m literally exhausted having to travel about two hours to work and home each way. I don’t need my parents asking me a thousand questions or getting on me about dusting the living room. I’d love to come home to my empty apartment, lounge on my couch and eat some dinner.
So, let’s try and make this happen ASAP!