This weeks question comes from the comments:
Gian asks, “Does anyone think that it’s a good idea to let an older friend know that I am virgin and l would like to do it with her for the first time?”
What does it mean to “lose your virginity?” To “do it” for the first time? I know you’re the one who’s supposed to be asking the questions around here, but I think it’s important for anyone feeling nervous about giving up their “V-card” to know the answers to those before they even think about having sex.
Are you attracted to the opposite sex, and you see losing your virginity as the first time you have sex as shittily defined by your high school sex ed class? Penis, meet vagina. Two pumps and a giggle, and the entire definition of your sexuality has forever changed.
Do you identify on the LGBT spectrum, and you’re not exactly sure WHAT defines losing your virginity, as much of the sex you have are part of the “base” system straight folk use? I knew “French, feel, finger, fuck” before I learned any of the parts of the vagina, which is so tragic on the part of the American public school system.
So, in your mind, you’re a virgin. And you don’t want to be a virgin anymore. There are films and books devoted to the young adult struggle to joining the invisible club of the sexually active. And, yes, it’s invisible. Wanna know why?
Which is the Lauren after she had sex for the first time. Don’t guess in the comments; keep that shit to yourselves.
Your virginity is clearly a powerful concept. You have someone in mind you want share in your experience. You trust them not to judge you for being a virgin. They are “older,” and I assume they’ve had sex before.
In talking with my friends about their first times having sex, opinions ranged from “losing it too young,” to “it wasn’t that great, but it got better after a few times,” to “wish I had waited,” to “just wanted to get it over with,” to “still wanting to JUST GET IT OVER WITH.”
So where do you land, among those many lost virginities? If your friend tells you they don’t want to sleep with you, will you try to have sex with someone else soon, just to not be a virgin?
Do you want someone to guide you through the (admittedly) scary process, or to take away the overwhelming in-the-moment emotions if the time comes unplanned? Do you plan to have sex with other people in the future, and you don’t want to tell them that they are adding your V-card to their deck?
THIS is what you need to have straightened out in your mind before you even broach the subject of having sex for the first time with your friend.
Once you feel comfortable in your opinions on virginity, I’d suggest taking your friend to a public, but intimate place. Somewhere you can talk quietly about a private topic, but in the vicinity of others, so your friend doesn’t feel trapped at your place or there’s, should the proposition make them uncomfortable.
Prepare yourself for either answer, and to explain yourself thoroughly. The second part will come easy, if you’ve taken the time to think about the questions I’ve posed above.
Also understand that asking this of your friend, much less going through with it, could warp your relationship with them entirely. You’re not asking your friend to see a horror movie – you’re asking them to tie themselves to you in a way our society has blown out of proportion. The one who took your virginity.
If that’s too much to handle, you’re probably not ready to start having sex. Instead, talk with the people you have strong relationships with (friends, exes, and even family) about their experiences with virginity.
I’ve also given some friends with benefits advice, if you do have sex your friend and kind of like the idea of keeping a good thing going.
But this is just my advice. What “does anyone think?” Leave your opinions, or stories of how you lost your virginity, in the comments!